Tuner · НастройкаSilent
Одобрено · Approved for Squatting

$KURWAHOOD

The forest is gone.

The system is a joke.

So we squat.

Official coin of post-communist coping. Panslavic edition.

PL · CZ · SK · UA · RS · BGИздание · Wydanie 1989
BUY $KURWAHOOD$KURWAHOOD mascot: man in a green tracksuit squatting with sunflower seeds by a Fiat 126p
Cracked panelák wall with a stenciled green forest hat and sunflower seed shells on the ground

Fig. 01 — Visual_Evidence_01.jpg

✳ Chart looking like the queue in 1987✳ Liquidity locked tighter than a Trabant door in winter✳ We don’t do utility. Utility was promised already.✳ This is not a rug. This is a traditional Slavic carpet.✳ Everyone holds. Even though everyone holds, nobody sells. Even though nobody sells, the chart still goes down.✳ Plan fulfilled in over 100%. Shelves still empty.
✳ Chart looking like the queue in 1987✳ Liquidity locked tighter than a Trabant door in winter✳ We don’t do utility. Utility was promised already.✳ This is not a rug. This is a traditional Slavic carpet.✳ Everyone holds. Even though everyone holds, nobody sells. Even though nobody sells, the chart still goes down.✳ Plan fulfilled in over 100%. Shelves still empty.

What is $KURWAHOOD?

Robin Hood had a forest and a bow. We have a parking lot behind the panelák and a bag of sunflower seeds.

He stole from the rich. We just stopped pretending the system works.

$KURWAHOOD is the natural evolution of the outlaw.

  • Tracksuit instead of tights.
  • Trabant instead of a horse.
  • Forced green hat because it looked funny at the market.

We don’t fight the system. We squat next to it and wait for the next miracle.

Two-colour propaganda poster of a worker in a tracksuit and green hat raising a bag of sunflower seeds
Plakat No. 4 — Seeds for every citizen

Form KH-89-B

7 Miracles of $Kurwahood

Officially certified · Comrade-approved

  1. 1.

    Everyone has a bag.

  2. 2.

    Even though everyone has a bag, nobody has money.

  3. 3.

    Even though nobody has money, the bags are always full of seeds.

  4. 4.

    Even though the bags are full of seeds, the Trabant still won't start.

  5. 5.

    Even though the Trabant won't start, we still arrive somehow.

  6. 6.

    Even though we arrive somehow, there is nowhere to go.

  7. 7.

    Even though there is nowhere to go… we squat anyway.

Plan fulfilled in over 100%

Form KH-89-D

The Line

The national sport — every nation's national sport. Stand in line. Shuffle forward. Position 1 is theoretically reachable. Nobody has confirmed this.

Your position

#87

Shuffles

0

Seeds found

0

▯▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮☻

You are the ☻ · 87 comrades between you and the counter

Total burned in the queue0· Contribution to the five-year plan

Furnace not yet commissioned — token not issued

Holdings unverifiable — registry not yet open (est. 1989)

Queue log empty. Begin shuffling.

Form KH-89-Q

Other departments

The Ministry is too large for one corridor. Two further departments are open, both understaffed, both stamped.

Отдел кадров · Personnel

The State Office

Connect a wallet, get issued a ration card, collect labour points for daily duties, file complaints nobody reads, and print certificates for achievements you did not achieve.

Report to the office

Госплан · Investments

Bureau of Investments

The five-year plan chart, the Mattress Index, tokenised bricks and sausage, your privatisation voucher, and grandmother's asset allocation review.

Enter the bureau

Form KH-89-DEPT

Tokenomics (Very Serious)

Плановый показатель · 110% выполнен

Total Supply
1,000,000,000
Tax
0% (paid enough in the 80s)
Liquidity
Locked (unlike the shelves)
Team tokens
Seeds + one more Trabant

We didn’t overcomplicate it. Overcomplicating things is how you end up with empty shelves and full speeches.

Roadmap (Jakoś to będzie)

Пятилетка · Five-year plan fulfilment340%
PH 1Launch and squat
PH 2Survive the first rug attempt
PH 3Add more cars to the lore (Lada supremacy when?)
PH 4Somehow become a movement
PH 5Still squatting

We don’t make promises. Promises were already made between 1945 and 1989.

Form KH-89-E

How to Buy $Kurwahood

  1. 1Get a wallet (any will do, we’re not picky)
  2. 2Bridge to Robinhood Chain
  3. 3Find the pool
  4. 4Buy
  5. 5Squat

If it doesn’t work the first time, try again. The Trabant also never starts on the first try.

Games of the Courtyard

Four games played on upturned crates while waiting for something to happen. Rules only. No app, no tournament, no prize pool.

Click a card. It will explain why you lost. Each explanation is fully official and entirely someone else's fault.

Durak

♠

Дурак · Russia · Ukraine · Belarus

  • Beat the attacking card with a higher one of the same suit, or with trump.
  • Last player still holding cards is the fool.

Someone always is.

Click for official explanation

Tysiąc

♥

1000 · Poland

  • Bid how many points you can take, then try to actually take them.
  • First to a thousand wins the evening.

Nobody reaches a thousand. Nobody ever did.

Click for official explanation

Sedma

♦

Sedmа · Czechia · Slovakia

  • Match the card on the table to take the pile.
  • A seven beats absolutely anything.

Exactly like the bureaucracy.

Click for official explanation

Kierki

♣

Черви · Poland · Serbia · everywhere

  • Follow suit, take tricks you did not want.
  • Every heart you collect counts against you.

Excellent training for life.

Click for official explanation

Form KH-89-G

The Merry Squatting Men

This is not a community. This is a support group for people who looked at the system, said “kurwa”, and sat down.

Join the Telegram / X and bring your own seeds.

TelegramX (Twitter)

Свої семечки · Bring your own seeds.