Fly the flag
Follow @KURWAHOOD on X. On your honour.
+100 XPOpen
Ministry of Squatting · Государственная контора
Window 3 of 2 is open. Connect your wallet, the clerk opens your file: labour points, duties, ration class, standing in the Hood. Points convert to whatever the plan decides when the token lands on Robinhood Chain. Take a number. There are no numbers.
Holdings unverifiable — registry not yet open (est. 1989)
Notice KH-89-SAFE · Non-custodial
The Ministry cannot hold your funds. The Ministry has never successfully held anything. Presenting documents only shows us your address and your balance — read only. No transfer, no approval, no seed phrase, ever. Your keys stay in your pocket, next to the seeds.
Nobody at this office can move a single token for you. That is the whole security model. It has never failed, because it has never been tested.
Labour points
0 XP
Ration class
Citizen ×1
Days queued in a row
0
Best position in line
—
Shuffles served
0
Tokens burned
0
Complaints filed
0
Bearer wallet
not presented
Serial unissued · Comrade requires 100,000 tokens
Form KH-89-REG
Duties reset each morning, like the shop's promises. Social duties run on the honour system — the Ministry cannot verify them and has stopped pretending. 0/7 filed today.
Follow @KURWAHOOD on X. On your honour.
Join the Telegram. Say nothing. Stay forever.
Put $KURWAHOOD in your X bio, where the state can see it.
Use the squatting comrade as your profile picture.
Complete 25 shuffles. Progress optional.
Progress 0/25
It will be received, filed and ignored. Still counts.
Progress 0/1
Burn at least one token in the queue.
Progress 0/1
Citizen ×1
Гражданин · from 0 tokens · cap 200 XP/day
Entitled to stand in line.
Comrade ×1.25
Товарищ · from 100,000 tokens · cap 250 XP/day
May stand slightly closer to the front.
Party Member ×1.5
Партиец · from 1,000,000 tokens · cap 300 XP/day
Knows a guy at the warehouse.
Hero of Labour ×3
Герой труда · from 10,000,000 tokens · cap 600 XP/day
Has a Fiat 126p and a spare part.
Form KH-89-D
Standings are provisional, unverified and locally stored, exactly like every official statistic of the period.
| # | Citizen | Class | XP |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 🥇 comrade_janusz | Hero of Labour | 12,480 |
| 2 | 🥈 trabant_enjoyer | Hero of Labour | 10,310 |
| 3 | 🥉 seed_spitter_88 | Party Member | 9,120 |
| 4 | ★ pani_krystyna | Party Member | 7,640 |
| 5 | ★ blokvibes | Party Member | 6,205 |
| 6 | ★ fiat126p_daily | Comrade | 5,480 |
| 7 | ★ kefir_baron | Comrade | 4,110 |
| 8 | ★ queue_holder | Comrade | 3,320 |
| 9 | ★ adidas_stripes | Citizen | 2,140 |
| 10 | ☻ youyou | Citizen | 0 |
On-chain scoring begins when the token does.
Form KH-89-H
Present your wallet. Receive a printed card with your class, your serial number and your position in the queue. Entitles you to nothing. Screenshots permitted and encouraged.
Holder — as entered in the register
CITIZEN UNKNOWN
Class
Citizen
Queue position
UNRANKED
Holdings
PENDING
Serial
KH-89-UNISSUED
Bearer wallet
not presented
Labour points
0 XP
0 days queued
No documents on file. Connect your wallet to be issued a card.
Holdings unverifiable — registry not yet open (est. 1989)
Notice KH-89-SAFE · Non-custodial
The Ministry cannot hold your funds. The Ministry has never successfully held anything. Presenting documents only shows us your address and your balance — read only. No transfer, no approval, no seed phrase, ever. Your keys stay in your pocket, next to the seeds.
Nobody at this office can move a single token for you. That is the whole security model. It has never failed, because it has never been tested.
Classes by holdings · purely cosmetic, like most things
Citizen
any amount · ×1
Entitled to stand in line.
Comrade
100,000+ · ×1.25
May stand slightly closer to the front.
Party Member
1,000,000+ · ×1.5
Knows a guy at the warehouse.
Hero of Labour
10,000,000+ · ×3
Has a Fiat 126p and a spare part.
Form KH-89-RC
Choose a title. Receive a certificate with two illegible signatures, a red seal, and the wrong date. Merit is awarded generously here because nothing else is.
Available honours
Certificate confers status. Status confers nothing.
Form KH-89-CERT
The Department of Squatting welcomes complaints. Complaints are received, filed and ignored in that order, usually within the same second. This is the fastest service in the country.
No complaints on file. The system is working perfectly.
Form KH-89-C