BRICKКирпич
One brick, panelák, load-bearing (allegedly)
4.40zł
▲ 4.84%
Removed from a stairwell that is still standing. Probably fine.
Custody: Behind the bins, Block 4
Ministry of Squatting · Госплан
Nobody here trusts the stock market. The stock market ate the savings, the savings ate the mattress, the mattress is now the only regulated exchange. This department tokenises what actually held value: bricks, sausage, a position in the queue.
Notice KH-89-SAFE · Non-custodial
The Ministry cannot hold your funds. The Ministry has never successfully held anything. Presenting documents only shows us your address and your balance — read only. No transfer, no approval, no seed phrase, ever. Your keys stay in your pocket, next to the seeds.
Nobody at this office can move a single token for you. That is the whole security model. It has never failed, because it has never been tested.
Official figures, approved by the Ministry, not by reality. The plan line has never fallen below the plan. The actual line has never met the plan. Both are printed here for the sake of transparency.
The gap between the lines is described in official documents as “enthusiasm not yet realised”.
Form KH-89-G
Independent research from the Institute of Household Finance (one room, no windows). Performance of every asset class available to the regional investor since 1989, indexed to 100.
Diversification, in this region, means two mattresses.
Conclusion of the Institute: past performance is no guarantee of future performance, and future performance was cancelled.
Form KH-89-M
Everyone tokenises treasury bills. We tokenise things you can hold, drop, or be hit with. Every asset listed below physically exists in the courtyard and is fully backed by itself.
Custody arrangements are informal. Redemption requires knowing which neighbour has the key.
One brick, panelák, load-bearing (allegedly)
4.40zł
▲ 4.84%
Removed from a stairwell that is still standing. Probably fine.
Custody: Behind the bins, Block 4
Fiat 126p chassis, partial
128.65zł
▲ 9.03%
Engine sold separately in 1994. Doors optional. Starts on faith.
Custody: Courtyard, under tarpaulin
Position #47 in the meat queue
61.95zł
▲ 0.74%
Yield-bearing: the longer you hold, the longer the queue.
Custody: Held in person, at all times
Trabant 601, one door, one winter
237.42zł
▼ 1.07%
Body is cardboard-adjacent. Liquidity locked tighter than the door.
Custody: Garage of Comrade Nowak
Half a sausage, dated
1.27zł
▲ 10.09%
Perishable asset class. Settlement is T+0 or it settles itself.
Custody: Windowsill, north-facing
Grandmother's gold tooth (in custody)
878.22zł
▼ 1.32%
The only asset in the region with genuine backing. Do not ask.
Custody: Jar, kitchen, third shelf
Wall carpet, patterned, 1978
73.23zł
▼ 1.04%
Blue-chip. Every apartment held one. None were ever sold.
Custody: Nailed to the wall
Jar of pickles, unopened, strategic reserve
13.15zł
▲ 2.74%
The regional store of value. Outperformed everything since 1989.
Custody: Cellar, behind the coal
Valuations performed by one man with a clipboard and no training.
Form KH-89-RWA
Other projects publish a treasury address. We publish an inventory. Every item below exists, has been seen by at least two neighbours, and cannot be sold because nobody wants it.
Audited annually by whoever is holding the clipboard. No discrepancies have ever been found, because no count has ever been finished.
| Qty | Asset | Location |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Trabant 601, non-startingCourtyard, Block 4 · immobile since 1991 | Courtyard, Block 4 · immobile since 1991 |
| 47 | Bags of sunflower seedsUnder the stairs · counted twice, both wrong | Under the stairs · counted twice, both wrong |
| 1 | Traditional Slavic wall carpetNailed above the sofa · load-bearing | Nailed above the sofa · load-bearing |
| 1 | Form KH-89-D, plan fulfilled 340%Filed · nobody has read it | Filed · nobody has read it |
| 1 | Parking lot behind the panelákFractionally owned by every holder | Fractionally owned by every holder |
| 3 | Jars of pickles, strategic reserveCellar, behind the coal | Cellar, behind the coal |
| 1 | Grandmother's gold toothJar, kitchen, third shelf · do not ask | Jar, kitchen, third shelf · do not ask |
Liquidity is locked under a genuine traditional Slavic carpet, patterned, 1978, nailed to the wall by grandmother. To pull it you would have to explain yourself to her. Nobody has ever attempted this.
Liquidity locked tighter than a Trabant door in winter.
Valuation of the treasury: priceless, in the sense of unsellable.
Form KH-89-TR
In 1992 the state gave everybody a piece of paper representing part ownership of the entire economy. By 1994 most had been exchanged for one bottle and a lift home. We are repeating the experiment, on-chain, for historical accuracy.
The voucher confers ownership of a share of nothing. Nothing is currently trading near all-time highs.
Voucher no.
unissued
Entitlement
—
Registered wallet
not presented
Wallet optional. The clerk is not checking.
Holdings unverifiable — registry not yet open (est. 1989)
Form KH-89-V
Before you invest anything, the household investment committee must approve your allocation. The committee is one grandmother. She has never lost money, because she has never given money to anybody.
Allocate 100%. Weightings are judged not on returns, but on trust.
The only custodian she has ever trusted. Fee-free. Fireproof? No.
Hard currency, soft storage. Diversified across two socks.
Real yield: eight jars in, eleven jars out. Nobody knows how.
Physically backed, physically attached. Illiquid until dentistry.
She remembers 1991. The bank does not remember her.
The exchange is closed. It has always been closed.
She does not understand it, but she has seen you squatting. Approved.
Grandmother's trust rating
87/100
Form KH-89-P